Cross-cultural data confirm that violence - whether sexual, physical or emotional - has two fundamental certainties: first, the overwhelming majority of perpetrators are men; and, second, the targets are usually women. The startling reality is that women have no place of safety from abuse. They are at risk in the so-called safety of their homes where they may be physically battered or become victims of (marital) rape. When they step out into the street, they are at further risk for rape, date rape and verbal harassment. At the workplace, they are at risk for sexual harassment that can range from verbal harassment to sexual assault.

Nonetheless, this should not detract from the reality that a burgeoning literature recognizes violence against other vulnerable groups, including adults with alternative sexual lifestyles and children. Sexual and physical abuse subsume a wide variety of violent behaviours, only some of which are legally recognized as criminal acts.

The most invisible of all is child sexual abuse, well illustrated by research conducted in secondary schools in Harare, Zimbabwe. In a sample of 549 pupils, 30% reported they had been sexually abused; half were male children being abused by female perpetrators. The invisibility of the crime was confirmed by the fact that only 18% of the children ever told anyone that they had been or were being sexually abused.

Why are men violent towards women?

There appears to be no simplistic response to this question. Violence against women is so pervasive and tenacious that one cannot attribute it simply to individual pathology or lack of communication between partners. One of the most important tenets of violence or abuse is that an individual may perpetrate an act of violence, but the act takes place within a socio-cultural context with multiple influences.

At the societal level, inequalities between women and men need to be examined, such as legal, religious, economic and physical power inequalities. It is these inequalities that underlie our social understanding of gender and sexuality and have a profound effect on intimate relationships between men and women.

At another level, cultural norms and expectations about behaviours of women and men lead to myths that perpetuate violence and deny assistance to its victims. The myths support all forms of violence as illustrated by examples from case files in Zimbabwe. These myths, too, invade the beliefs of our families, friends, health-care workers, law enforcement agents and the justice system, which tends to compound, rather than relieve, the damaging consequences of male violence.

Although much of the psychological research on perpetrators of violence is unclear at present, there is one consistent finding: a large majority of perpetrators are socialized for violence. Research strongly suggests that boys are more likely to abuse an intimate partner in adult life if they were themselves abused as children or adolescents. Being abused or witnessing abuse socializes children to perpetuate these behaviours. Are we all not guilty of it in some form in our homes? Do we not socialize daughters to be submissive and compliant and sons to be warriors?

In addition, a contributory role is played by the media. For example, in countries where sadistic pornography becomes readily available, the prevalence of attempted and completed rape increases. Issues of violence need to be addressed at a societal and individual level if the cycle is to be broken. Powerful social factors such as male socialization, peer pressure, the media and the military virtually breed violent behaviour in men.

With respect to the psychological consequences of sexual abuse, one important factor is that the symptoms usually unfold over time. The most common symptoms include anxiety, depression, sexual dysfunction and difficulties with interpersonal relationships. This clearly points to a need for the long-term management of victims of sexual abuse. Victims of childhood sexual violence begin intercourse earlier than others, are more likely to use drugs and alcohol, and are less likely to practise contraception.

Let me conclude by reiterating that no one wakes up one morning and becomes a rapist; it is a long, slow process and includes emotions such as disrespect, a need to feel powerful or in control, and discordant ideas of human sexuality. We need to begin by addressing these issues in our own homes.

Myth: She asked for it

Rape: She should not have been wearing those shorts or walking on that road on her own.

• Physical violence: All she ever does is nag and she's always refusing to have sex.
• Sexual harassment: She kept working late when she knew I was around.

Myth: Men are not responsible for what happened

• Rape: He did not mean it, he was just so horny.
• Physical violence: He had a terrible day at the office and she was not acting like a wife.
• Sexual harassment: She should be flattered, he was just showing some interest in her.